Sunday, 12 March 2017

​ How to take care of your writer - a guide for their significant other (weekday edition)

(image source: pinterest)

Two weeks ago I looked at the importance of routine for the writer. This week, I want to help the people who live with us to better understand our writing needs. So let us look at a possible weekday of this particular writer. 😉

8:00 am 

If your writer has not woken up by this time, make sure to take care of that for them. Getting up any later will result in long monologues about how the morning was wasted with sleep. However, if you do your duty and wake them, your writer will likely grumble about their lack of sleep. It's a no win situation. You just have to push through.

8:30 am 

Your writer should have had enough time to check her twitter feed and be up-to-date on the day's events in the writing world. If she is still tweeting her responses, give her a few more minutes. If she has digressed into the realms of adorable animal videos and other click bait, gently remind her that she already has two adorable animal sidekicks, both of which will be watching your writer with the grumpy faces of the horribly starved and neglected. Make sure your writer does not get distracted again, until the furry sidekicks are fed and taken care of.

9:00 am 

With your writer safely navigated into the shower, you have a chance to decide on the day's breakfast and prepare your writer's morning tea.

9:30 am 

Enjoy breakfast with a now fully awake writer, who is finally capable of conversation.

10:00 am 

Your writer has discovered her notebook. Listen patiently as she tells you about ideas that only make sense in her head. She will love you all the more for it.

10:30 am

Your writer has opened The Work In Progress (TM) and is rereading the previous day's scene. Be ready. Your writer may decide that scene is not nearly as amazing as she thought it was the previous night, which will result in a dismissal of that scene, that novel, and her writing ability as a whole. Offer hugs and encouragement until your writer is back at the desk, typing as if she had never doubted her skills in the first place.

11: 45 am 

Gently remind your writer that she has a day job. Pretend not to be offended when she ignores you.

11:50 am 

Gently remind your writer that she has a day job. Accept her unintelligible grunt as acknowledgement.

12:00 pm 

Gently remind your writer that she has a day job. Listen patiently to the sound of keyboard keys refusing to slow down.

12:10 pm 

Firmly remind your writer that she has a day job. Watch in resignation as your writer shuts down the computer, whirlwinds through the apartment and accuses you of not warning her of the time sooner.

12:15 pm 

See your writer out the door. Congratulations for making it this far. Enjoy some well-earned peace.

6:00 pm 

Welcome your writer back with a hug and listen patiently as she talks about the people she met, the things she did, the dullness of real life, bus delays (or her bike ride, depending on her chosen mode of transport) before finally remembering to ask about your day, while she is preparing dinner.

8:00 pm 

After a "brief" period of calming down, your writer is back at the computer, dreaming herself into her own world with ambient sounds from trickling from her noise-cancelling headphones. It is crucial that you do not make a loud noise or any sudden movements that may distract your writer for the next hour or two, as her brain sinks into the deep realms of creativity.

10:00 pm 

Your writer mentions feeling tired. Agree that it is getting rather late, while making no attempt at stopping what you are doing.

10:30 pm 

Your writer has reached her creative peak. At this point in time any warnings of loud noises and sudden movements may safely be ignored. Your writer is beyond your reach. Only nose bumps on her ankles by furry sidekicks will temporarily bring her back to the present to absent-mindedly pet a little head.

1:00 am 

Remind your writer that she has a day job and needs to get up in the morning.

1:30 am 

Remind your writer that she has a day job and needs to get up in the morning. Brush your teeth and get out a book to help you stay awake while you listen to the tap tap tap of her keyboard.

2:00 am 

Your writer stumbles into the bedroom. You settle in for the night.

2:10 am 

Your writer shoots upright, reaches for her notebook, switches on the light and starts scribbling. "Only a few words," she assures you.

2:45 am 

Your writer puts away the notebook and excitedly tells you about an idea that only makes sense in her head. Try not to offend her by falling asleep.

3:00 am 

Your writer is finally silent. She is dead to the world the moment her head hits the pillow. Try not to get angry as you look at the alarm clock and realise that, once again, you will get very little sleep.

Good luck!

Note that no animals or humans were harmed in the production of this schedule.

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